Every year, as classes come to a close, I think “Oh crap. Another year at Penn, and I have yet to find a future hubby. 50% of couples meet in college! Where the eff is the Jay-Z to my Beyonce?!”
I’ve had the same ranty, bitter, circular conversations with countless Penn females, discussing the dearth of great guys.
Someone shares a tale of their latest encounter with Penn male douchebaggery and we, Penn girls, are off: “Penn guys are such self-obsessed whores. They think they’re God’s gift to the world. And they aren’t even cute.” One of my friends summed up. “Penn guys are specimens of below-average looks and above-average arrogance.”
After three years at Penn, a few months of writing this blog and a couple honest conversations with my guy friends, I’ve come to a shocking realization: Penn boys and girls HATE each other, mutually. Read more…
“The Princess and the Frog,” Disney’s first movie with a black Princess—Finally!! I’m clearly being her for Halloween ‘09—follows Tiana, a Princess from New Orleans on a journey to find happiness with a Prince who has been turned into a frog. There is one drastic difference between this story and the rest of those told by Disney.
Our beautiful black Princess ends up with the very chiseled and sexy Prince Naveen from the made-up land of Maledonia. He’s played by a Brazilian actor. He has an Indian name. But, look at the photo. Dude is tan, but he’s white. Blogs and articles have been buzzing about the reasons behind this choice, but it is evident: interracial dating, by animated and real-life characters alike, is a hot topic. Read more…
Say hello to “Moaning Lisa,” the sexy robot to whom you can give an orgasm. She screams, too. This just takes the idea of the blow-up doll to a whole nother, even creepier level. If that’s possible.
Today, I came across some of the most disturbing, yet intriguing footage I’ve seen in a very long time. “Green Porno,” the brainchild of Isabella Rossellini, Italian actress, filmmaker, philanthropist and model, allows her to dress up as different types of marine creatures and discuss their mating and reproductive rituals. That, in and of itself, is wacked, but the fact that Isabella Rosellini looks, acts and speaks like an extra-terrestrial, even when she’s not dressed as a starfish or right whale (with a 6-foot erection), makes it all the more frightening. Read more…
Penn during Spring Fling is like Las Vegas during the entire year. Anything goes. You want to wear booty shorts, neon glasses, a fanny pack and a basketball jersey? Go for it. It’s Fling!
You want to turn Van Pelt into Van Party and grind with your fellow Quakers on top of The Button, while a DJ spins “Blame it on the Alcohol?” Sure. It’s Fling!
You want to fling your Blackberry into the toilet of G-Lounge in Center City at Castle’s Fling Kickoff Party? Meh. It’s FLINGGGG!!!!!! The amount of debauchery that goes down during those two days, is unprecedented, and the hookup stories are just as juicy. Read more…
Since the dawn of time, people have been having unprotected sex. Cavemen and cavewomen were steaming up caves all over the B.C. (Before-Condom) centuries. At some point, however, someone realized, once they had contracted the herp, or the syph or the baby, that it would be wise to strap it up.
Condom companies have tried all sorts of gimmicks to make safe-sex sexy. We all remember the “Trojan Man” from the commercials of the mid-to-late nineties. He was one cool mofo. Doc Morris Pharmacies, a German company, is using a different tactic to get consumers to practice “glove before love.” The company’s new condom ads include animation of sperm, crafted in the likeness of Osama Bin Laden, Adolph Hitler or Mao Zedong.
I’m a skoshe confused. Are these ads telling me to practice safe sex so that I am not implanted with the spawn of one of these three terrifying leaders? Or are they just telling me that sperm is as evil as Hitler? Either way, the message is strong: “package your meat.” It’s a matter of homeland security.
Whenever you feel you need some naughty prose in your life, just hit up the “Erotic Poems” section of Peculiar Poetry.com. You can use some of these poems to lure lovers to your boudoir. You know poets are HOT.
Today, Vermont, following the example of Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa, became the 4th State in the Union to legalize gay marriage. Although, yesterday, the state’s Republican Governor, Jim Douglas, vetoed a bill that would have made these marriages legal, Vermont’s Senate overrode this veto in a 23 to 5 vote and the House did the same with a vote of 100 to 49. Vermont is the first state to make a gay marriage legislation, rather than a court order.
After vetoing the bill that could have legalized gay marriage in the state, Governor Douglas said, “I made my decision some time ago, and at this point it’s a matter of crafting the message and sending it to the Legislature urging them to do what their consciences lead them to do.” Consciences, Douglas? What are you trying to say?! I despise ignorance, archaic notions and self-righteous politicians. I’m ECSTATIC that his (stupid) veto was overturned! Couples should get married on Governor Douglas’ doorstep, just to spite him! All couples deserve the opportunity to devote their lives to each other, and Vermont, in autumn, would make for an exquisite wedding location.
You’re boyfriend is picture of Penn perfection: Pre-Med, tutors 4th graders in West Philly, takes you on beautifully thoughtful dates all over Philadelphia, said “I love you” first and throws it down in the bedroom. For two years, you are “that perfect couple,” the Victoria and David Beckham of the University of Pennsylvania. You get to sit in silence as your girlfriends complain about their trifling/cheating/gay/non-existent boyfriends, knowing that yours is DA BOMB. Until….BAM! You walk into his room and he’s boning your sorority sister. And you thought he was the good guy.
This past semester, I have received many a tearful phone call from many a girlfriend, revealing the indiscretion that has ruined the “perfect” relationship with her “perfect” man. My friend, Claire, who goes to U. Arizona had been dating her “perfect” boyfriend, Benny, for a year and three months. On Valentine’s Day, after eating the delicious meal that Claire had prepared, Benny fell asleep on Claire’s couch as his iPhone lay on the table. Because it wouldn’t stop ringing, she went to switch it off, when a myriad of tawdry texts from “Koria”—pronounced “Korea.” Classy, right?—flashed on the screen. It was later revealed that Koria was indeed his mistress, a girl so trashy she should have been grinding the pole at that strip club under Chili’s. Read more…
Have you ever been at the used car lot, and thought “Dammit, I need to get a pap smear! Too bad this pre-owned car salesman doesn’t have a degree in gynecology. I could get my Ford Explorer and my pelvic exam all in one place!” If this thought has crossed your mind—you may need psychological help, but that’s neither here nor there— and you live in High Point, North Carolina, you are in luck. Read more…
Today, I came across some of the most disturbing, yet intriguing footage I’ve seen in a very long time. “
Penn during Spring Fling is like Las Vegas during the entire year. Anything goes. You want to wear booty shorts, neon glasses, a fanny pack and a basketball jersey? Go for it. It’s Fling!
Today, Vermont, following the example of Massachusetts, Connecticut and Iowa, became the 4th State in the Union to
You’re boyfriend is picture of Penn perfection: Pre-Med, tutors 4th graders in West Philly, takes you on beautifully thoughtful dates all over Philadelphia, said “I love you” first and throws it down in the bedroom. For two years, you are “that perfect couple,” the Victoria and David Beckham of the University of Pennsylvania. You get to sit in silence as your girlfriends complain about their trifling/cheating/gay/non-existent boyfriends, knowing that yours is DA BOMB. Until….BAM! You walk into his room and he’s boning your sorority sister. And you thought he was the good guy.
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